Highlight of the Day

Today was an interesting day. The teacher that I replaced is back from grad school on break and visiting school for the rest of the week...slightly intimidating for me, especially because I have felt so overwhelmed this week and I am using a lot of her materials from last year! :-) It's okay...she told me I could. ;-)

Why am I overwhelmed you ask? Homecoming. Tomorrow is homecoming at school. I'm a sponsor for our student government/student council, which means it's been my responsibility to make sure that the students are supervised while they decorate the gym. I've also been tutoring 2.5 hours per night Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.

Anyway, on to the title of this post. I was on facebook, catching up on my recent wall posts and the newsfeed when I get a message through facebook chat. It's from a friend that I take to every once-in-awhile, so I keep chatting. Then another facebook chat window pops up from a friend I haven't talked to in ages. She is going to be in Chicago the same time I am and wants to hang out/catch up. So we plan for sometime on the 23rd. Then a third facebook chat window pops up from another friend I haven't really talked to since June. Turns out he's going to be in Chicago on the 23rd, too. And we're going to try and hang out.

I feel so loved!

Feeling like an adult...and somewhat domestic

Days like today make me appreciate the sheer busyness of life, and make me realize that "housewives" and "stay-at-home moms" are not ladies of leisure sitting at home eating bon-bons all day.

Not that I had the day off, but the amount of errands I ran after work today made me realize even more how much time everything takes.

I had to go to a craft store to check prices for beads (and make sure they had individual letters, since we only want VSD and B) for a potential fundraising idea for the sophomore class. Then I went to Walmart to print a picture for my classroom. I went to some other stores to get some Christmas shopping done/at least started. ;-) I bought a washer and dryer (expensive, and unfortunately it won't be here until at least Friday...I was kinda hoping it would be here tomorrow...). I then went back to Walmart because it was the closest grocery-type store for me to buy supplies for the dish I'm making for the potluck tomorrow. I got home for the first time at 9:00.

When I got home, I started "prep" work for the dish I'm making for tomorrow. I decided to make Grandma's Minestrone soup. :-) So I chopped carrots, celery, onions, and parsley, and put them in my fancy new prep bowls from Pampered Chef (I LOVE them because they are marked with measurements!). After that, I organized my bills a little and sorted my recyclables...I needed to amke room for the new washer and dryer!

And then it was 10:00. I haven't even started the cleaning that I wanted to do tonight. Oh, well. Such is the life of a "grown-up"

5 things

This looked like fun. :-)

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:

• Learning music for the Blue Lake International Symphony Band
• being a typical 8th grader ;-)
• learning Algebra
  
• growing up fast through friends' suicidal thoughts
• being boycrazy
  

5 things on my To Do list tomorrow:

• Ask a couple of teachers questions about a specific student
• Make a study guide about writing equations in slope intercept form
• Update IEP progress
• Find a recycling drop-off center
• Make a list of addresses for Christmas cards
  

5 snacks I like:

• Apples with caramel
• chips and salsa
• fruit snacks
• Cheez-its
• chips and dip
  

5 things I would do if I was a millionaire

• pay off my debt
• buy a house
• give to people who need it
• save some
• go back to school?
  

5 places I have lived:

• Orland Park, IL
• Bloomington, IL
  
• East Lansing, MI
• Swartz Creek, MI
• Staunton, VA
  

5 jobs I have had:

• Quinlan & Fabish Music Co (stocking shelves, organizing, etc)
• Dr. Jerry Chow, M.D. (personal assistant for the nurse manager/filing)
• Math grader/tutor
• Babysitter
• Virginia School for the Deaf (HS Math teacher)
  

Lockdown drills

Today after school we had a staff meeting. No big deal, staff meetings are normal. One of the topics that we discussed made me sad, though. As you can tell by the title of this post, it was the topic of lockdown.

I completely understand the necessity of having a procedure and a policy for lockdown. I also understand that in order for the procedure to work well, just as in the case of fire or tornado alarms, there must be practice. The thing that makes me sad is that there is a need for this sort of thing. There is a very real danger in the world today that students, teachers, or strangers could walk onto the campus of my school with the intent to harm themselves, others, or both. That breaks my heart. What makes violence the answer? What makes people, especially children, think that they can solve their problems by using violence or that anything is so bad that they need to harm themselves? I know this is no new phenomena, but I am still curious.

I think it was Shane Claiborne that wrote about how violence teaches violence, and until we as a nation stop dealing with our problems through violence, we will continue to have violence in our nation, as well. I'm not saying that I agree whole heartedly with Mr. Claiborne, but I do think it kinda makes sense. I don't want to blame the media or blame the government. And I certainly don't want to blame parents or teachers. It can't just be in the water, though. Something must have changed over the past 40 years (that is an insignificant number...I know that it is more than ten years but probably less than 50). When my parents were in school there was no thought in anyone's mind that a kid or anyone for that matter would bring a gun to school. What's changed?

Suicide among teenagers has always been an issue, I feel. It seems more and more apparent, though. I try to teach my students not to even joke about something as serious as killing themselves. What makes them think it's okay in the first place?

My heart yearns for hope to spread. I want to see people really believe that there is purpose to this life, and that they are loved. I'm going to work on showing that more. And believing it more myself, too. :-)

creativity

I'm looking for good ideas of text to use for Wordle. I think I could easily become addicted. It's just fun to play with what types of text you put in and how it looks. I like it.

Thanksgiving has come and gone, meaning Christmas is soon! I'm excited for that. Two and a half weeks and I'll be back in Illinois for more time with family and friends of old. Not that the friends that I've made here aren't old. ;-)

Being at my parent's houses ("home") is always good, but I occasionally struggle when coming back home (to my apartment and job). I like vacation a lot. I like being able to just call up one of my friends (or my one friend?) and go shopping, or see a movie, or just hang out playing rock band. I also enjoy spending time chatting with family and just spending time. I do miss that. It's not that I'm homesick...I think I just appreciated the time and relaxation that I was able to have, and I wish that it could have been longer.

Christmas is coming, though. :-) I'm getting excited about some of the creative ideas that I have for my secret santa gifts...I hope they work out as cool as I want them to.

I'm not the MOST creative person in the world, but when I get on a roll, I just want to make really cool things. I think Wordle has made me want to be more creative...I want to find/make something to put on my wall...I like quotations, always have...now I just need to find a really good one...

Wordle...fun!

Here is a word cloud of the words in my blog! Check out how you can have fun with words at wordle !

Victory for MSU

In honor of MSU beating Michigan for the first time since 2001 (and for the first time in Ann Arbor since 1990)...the original words to the MSU Fight song. :-)

On the banks of the Red Cedar, there's a school that's known to all.
It's specialty is winning, and those Spartans play good ball.
Spartan teams are never beaten, all through the game they'll fight,
Fight for the only colors, GREEN and WHITE.

Smash right through that line of blue, watch the points keep growing,
Spartan teams are bound to win, they're fighting with a vim, RAH RAH RAH.
Michigan is weakening, we're going to win this game.
FIGHT, FIGHT, RAH team FIGHT
VICTORY FOR MSU!

"Out of the mouths of babes..."

...well, 14 to 19-year-olds...

"Did you get your eyebrows waxed?"

*to another student* "Jessica's your mom"
*other student* -freaks out-
Me: "I'm not old enough to be your mom!"
"How old are you?"
"Are you not comfortable being a mom?"

Student:"Do you have a boyfriend?"
Me: "No, I've been single for 4 years"
Student: *freaks out* 4 years! You should date, and get married and live happily ever after

("overheard" between two students) "The two of you should have sex like monkeys"
Me: "What?!?!?"
Other student: "Did you see her face when you said that?!"
First student: "My bad...sorry"


I feel like I'm becoming one of those teachers that goes off on tangents easily...but it's fun! We've had tons of random conversations in one of my classes...they need some of the experience/exposure...(at least that's my excuse...)

On another note...today one of my students played battleship online where he had to solve equations correctly in order to get hits... In another class, we played desktop dodgeball with chances to throw the ball for solving equations correctly. It was pretty crazy...the kids were laying on the floor rushing to solve the problem so they could throw the ball at these little wooden kids. Thanks to Jason for the game! :-)

That's all. :-)

Updates

I've been reading updates from my friends in other countries recently..they are so good at writing about what they are learning from God and how they are adapting to their new country/culture. Reading their letters makes me think that I should write some updates! I know that these friends need to send updates, because they are being financially and prayerfully supported in ministry. But you know what? I'm being prayerfully supported in my job. Maybe I should start thinking about how I can update people that are supporting me. Updates like pictures, stories, and lessons that I'm learning...hmm...

For those who read this, know that I love hearing updates. :-)

I'm going to think some more about the whole "writing updates" subject. I'll keep you posted.

I'm also determined that this weekend is going to be the time when I order a futon mattress, a desk chair, and start organizing my apartment so I don't have papers all over the floor all the time. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

funny

I'm home. :-) Finally.

All in all it was a good trip. See Facebook for pictures later this week, I think.

Something random that I came across while googling my name (every once-in-awhile you should do this, see what you come up with...especially if you're a teacher...)

www.brtva.org

it has NOTHING to do with anyone I'm related to. That's the funny part. My name can be an acronym. Who knew?

Plans

"Nothing is by chance...No detail is forgotten in my plans for you" -Two Listeners

This is from a Christian quote of the day thing that I have setup for my igoogle homepage...

I post it here because it is frustratingly accurate today. Or maybe it's just frustrating that I know it is true, but it is hard to believe today.

I spent the weekend in Chicago for Kelly and Mark's wedding. SO FUN. :-) I loved it. True, it rained (really hard at times), but we had a good time dancing and celebrating with a lot of people that I haven't seen very often in a long time.

I know it was a short trip, but I really wanted to be there for the wedding, and I had been planning on it for a year before I even knew I was moving to Virginia...so I made a weekend out of it.

I was supposed to get on a plane at 5:00 today, and get home by 11:00 tonight. I had 2 connections: Cleveland and Washington, DC.

I arrived at the airport thinking that despite the rain, my plane would be fine, because it was just a sprinkle. When I found out that my flight was delayed, though, I wasn't too surprised...maybe it was worse than I thought. The problem came, though, that my layovers were not long enough to accomodate any delay at all...the delay from Chicago to Cleveland would cause me to miss my connecting flight to Washington...and missing that flight meant there was no way I would get back to the Shenendoah Valley Airport tonight....

The agent checked other flights into Dulles Airport (in Washington), but they all were either delayed because of weather or other issues.

I was so surprised when she offered me a hotel voucher, because my flight wasn't delayed because of weather...it was delayed because of problems with the crew (if a flight is delayed because of weather, they won't pay for your accommodations...).

So...nothing happens by chance.... What is this supposed to teach me? Why am I stuck at a hotel in Rosemont, IL (because my parents live an hour away and didn't want to turn around and come back after dropping me off and driving home, let alone drive me back here tomorrow morning for my flight...)?

I should probably spend more of my energy looking for "divine appointments" and less of it complaining/wondering why I'm here.

Random Observations from a Virginian College Town...

On a completely lighter note from the last post, here are some things I observed yesterday while I was driving around Charlottesville, VA before the USC @ UVA football game yesterday:

• If you are female, you are most likely going to be wearing some sort of sundress and flats/flip flops. I hope that some of them were not going to the game, and just socializing...sundresses seem inappropriate attire for a football game, no matter the heat.
• If you are male, it is perfectly appropriate to wear a long sleeve button up dress shirt with shorts and flip flops. Bonus points for wearing a tie and a backwards baseball cap. (Seriously, who does that?)
• I drove around for awhile and still couldn't tell precisely where the football stadium was...stupid hills (I really like them, but you can't see past them)
• There are more USC fans in Virginia than I thought there would be. Are they one of those bandwagon teams like the Yankees where everyone likes them because they win all the time?
• A "hoo" is some form of Cavalier? I'm still trying to figure out what the actual UVA mascot is.
  
• There are Smoothie King stores in South Korea...who knew? I had never heard of it before, but the South Korean transfer student I met had been there dozens of times in his country.

That's all. :-)

Thoughts on being Revolutionary...

When I moved to Virginia, I finally started reading, "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne. I've wanted to read this book for awhile, but never actually sat down and read it. Moving allowed me to have some time by myself, some time without cable, and even some time without internet that I have decided to use reading this book. I am not yet finished, but will most likely read the rest of it before bed tonight.

All that being said, I have some thoughts connected with the book, and somewhat connected to the movie, "Swing Kids" that I watched this evening, too.

First of all, Shane Claiborne is a very powerful writer. He uses anecdotes from his own life/experience mixed quotations from noted peacemakers, revolutionaries, and protesters. Much of this book has tugged at the strings of my heart, making me want to live life differently, to go out and make peace instead of sitting at home safe and comfortable. It's made me want to be less tied to material things (of which the Bible says we should not tie ourselves anyway), and live more fully out of real physical love for people. I don't mean romantic love, or "I love you, too," kind of love. I mean love that causes you to give up what you had planned or your comfort for the sake of another person. The kind of love that will invite a homeless person into your house on a cold night, give someone your coat, share a meal with someone your complete opposite. That kind of love.

I have sections underlined, and notes along the margins of this book, as with many of my books, but so far I have yet to apply most of what I am underlining/thinking about. I want to apply it, I just don't know where or how yet.

Connecting the book to "Swing Kids," as I was watching, some of the statements from the main character who is a member of Hitler's Youth, but hates the Nazis, remind me of what Shane has to say about us. In both texts (yes, a movie is a text...), there is a call for non-conformism. There is a call to rise out of complacency and stand for something that you believe in, no matter the cost to your comfort or security. There is a call to look at people differently than most do, and a call for change.

While our country is not like Nazi Germany, nor will it likely become like Nazi Germany, there are still aspects of our government and social systems that oppress and impoverish. There are people working harder than I ever will for probably less than 1/3 of my salary (not saying that teachers are the most well paid professionals, either). There are vast divisions between the rich and the poor, and those chasms are growing wider by the day. People are very big into supporting "issues" and "causes" these days, but do people support people? Instead of thinking about what I am not, or what I don't agree with or believe in, I want to think about what I am, what I do believe. I want to think about supporting love, and supporting people who are both like me and unlike me. I want to be a revolutionary for grace and for love in this world. I'm still figuring out how....

I'll leave this post with a quote, from "Momma T" according to Shane, more well known as Mother Teresa:

We can do no great things, only small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it.

Today...(and tomorrow, and forever) Small things with great love....Thanks for the ideas, Shane.

First Day of School

It's official. I'm a teacher.

I say that now, after my first day as a teacher with no "cooperating teacher" to report to, no "field instructor" to observe me, and no "professor" to give me assignments to make sure I'm planning lessons. No, now I have a "principal" to come in an check on me, making sure everything's going okay. I have a "colleague" (well, more than one, but one other high school math teacher) to run to when I need an idea or have a question about how else something can be done. I have a "mentor" to help show me the ropes of the school and ease my transition. I am a teacher.

Now that the first day is over, I can think about how I can do things differently tomorrow to make it better. Before today, I questioned how I could ever get to know individual students and their work patterns quickly, how to distinguish between them and make sure I'm meeting each of their needs. I'm still working on it, but it's amazing how much you can learn about a kid (or 6 of them at a time) in an hour and a half.

One of the students had a real, "aha" moment today. I didn't think she would ever understand how to substitute a number for a variable without prompting, but by the end of class, she did it! She was so proud of herself, too. :-)

Love

Interesting quotes, again from the TWLOHA blog:

"...Love is a thousand things but at the center is a choice. It is a choice to love people. Left to myself, i get quiet and bitter and critical. i get angry. i feel sorry for myself. It is a choice to love people. It is a choice to be kind. It is a choice to be patient, to be honest, to live with grace..."

"...i have learned that it's a lot easier to talk about loving people than it is to actually love people. It is easier to talk about community than it is to live in community. Honestly, i mostly suck at both. i am good at being short with people and i have gotten really good at being quiet..."

I connected with both of those quotes. It is hard to make the choice to do something the right way the first time out of love. To actually live in community takes sacrifice and service. Self-centeredness takes much less energy.

Suicide Prevention

Some of you don't know this about me. I'm passionate that there is a way to prevent suicide. Over the years I had 2 friends seriously contemplate killing themselves, confiding their plan to me. I have had others confess their struggles with suicidal thoughts to me, as well. When I heard the story of the organization To Write Love on Her Arms, it resonated with my heart. I thank my friend Jason for introducing me to it, and I wish that I were more involved with the mission of the organization.

That being said, here is something they posted on their facebook/myspace site just recently. It's a clip from CNN about a man in Japan making a difference. He is taking the time to listen and to give hope. He literally meets these people on the cliff where they are planning and waiting for the right moment to jump. I want to be that kind of a friend. I want to be literally and figuratively someone who will make a point to intervene when the warning signs appear. Here's his story.

Ups and Downs

Let's start with the Ups:

• I have a job for the fall! I'll be teaching high school algebra at Virginia School for the Deaf. :-)
• I'm leaving for Baltimore tomorrow for Shelbie and Luke's wedding, and then to visit Twila, Katie and Josh
• While I'm out East, I'm going to have a chance to visit the school/town that I'll be working/living in!
• My family is extremely generous.

Along with that there are a few Downs:

• I have about $400 to my name, and no real source of income until after August 15th.
• This weekend is going to be expensive...
• Moving to Virginia means leaving family and friends in Michigan and Illinois
• Moving is expensive...
• I hate having a balance on my credit card that I can't pay...and I'm already there.
  

I'm having a hard time trusting God with my finances right now. I have no idea how I'm going to make it through the summer...especially with traveling and bridal showers. I know it will all work out, but right now just taking a look at my bank statements makes me concerned. Trust, Jess...just trust.

Devastation

For the past week I have been substitute teaching. Now, subbing is great because I get to go to school and spend time with the kids, teaching and interacting with them, with none of the work. The teacher that I'm subbing for has planned everything for me, and I'm only going to be there for a short time (one day at times, this time it was 4 days), so I don't need to plan for the future, either. This means that during my prep time I have nothing to do. :) It's great.

This week during my prep time, I spent a lot of time on my iGoogle webpage, catching up reading blogs and on news. I've never been much of a fan for news, but for some reason the stories about the cyclone in Myanmar have intrigued me. I first heard about it on Sunday, when I thought 351 people killed in a cyclone was a lot. I researched it a bit, found out that a cyclone was more like a hurricane than I thought, and realized that 351 was not a lot of people.

Monday I read more...the death toll was climbing to about 4,000 and many were missing.
Tuesday still more. Flood waters engulfed cities, people stood in line for hours waiting for a small amount of gas or drinking water.
Wednesday I think the count reached 10,000...with corpses floating in flooded rice fields.
For some reason I couldn't stop reading about this, thinking about the people that are there, going through this hard time. What are they thinking, feeling, fearing. What gives them the strength to keep going, to walk to higher ground, wait for water, scavenge for food?

All this time, the media is talking about how this is the worst natural disaster to hit Asia since the tsunami. But at the same time, the government is not allowing foreign aid into the country. These people who need so much are not getting it because their country is closed. :-( What can I do from halfway across the world?

Can you imagine going through this? I can't. I take for granted my clean drinking water, food, electricity, the internet, and the freedom to give or receive goods from other countries without the government restricting it. Right now I just pray that the people that are still alive in the wake of this storm are able to get the food, water, shelter, and medical treatment they need to survive through it. With the rice fields flooding, I know this will by a difficult year for the Burmese economy, too. Keep them safe, Lord...

Interesting Thoughts

via Noel:

Learning...

I thought I'd take a minute and write about what I've been learning, particularly in the past 2 days...I know it's a short amount of time, but I feel like I'm being blindsided (maybe that's what I need...), so I'll write about it.

Here's the context:
I've been reading Breaking Free by Beth Moore since about November (thanks, Hil ;-) )...The chapters are short and I tend to read it in spurts. She writes very well. A quote that stood out last night was this:

"The only way we can love with agape [unconditional love] is to pour everything else from our hearts and ask God to make them pitchers of his agape."

For the past couple weeks, I have also been reading The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg. This is part of a small discussion group through my [new] church..they started it on Ash Wednesday, and met once a week during lent. I started going to the group on Palm Sunday. Lol. Anyway, they are now meeting only once a month, but I want to continue and catch up with the group. I really enjoy the book so far. It's very dense, and requires much chewing (figuratively speaking...although it is a hard-cover book... ;-) ). Anyway, the chapter that I read last night was called, "Training vs. Trying." It was all about how following Jesus is not about trying to be more like him and striving to be more like him (for this means we are doing it by our own power and/or willpower), but it is something to be done through training (and the guidance of the Spirit). Training is different because it provides us with practice in Godly ways to respond in life's circumstances.

"Our primary task is not to calculate how many verses of scripture we read or how many minutes we spend in prayer. Our task is to use these activities to create opportunities for God to work. Then what happens is up to him."

I think that in recent times I have been striving, trying very hard to be more prayerful, more intentional, more loving. What has happened is I've become more irritable, more frustrated, and more exhausted. It's not supposed to be like this.

One more time I have been reminded of training was at church today. My pastor, speaking in the context of Acts 1:6-11 when the disciples were asking Jesus when the time will come for his kingdom on earth, said that we cannot know. We spend much of our lives waiting for one thing or another, thinking, "is it time yet?" What do we do now? Pastor's response was, "Train yourself. Prepare yourself. Right now, are you preparing yourself for what God has in store for you?"

My answer to that? probably not. My big questions of God recently have been "Is it time to move out of Michigan? Is it time to live on my own? Is it time to teach and be solely responsible for a child's education for a whole year?"

It's almost time for at least some of those things...

I need to start training, slowing down and separating myself from the cares of the world in order to train for life's circumstances. I think I need a date night with Jesus...

Feeling Better

Christian is home from the hospital.

Crazy week is over and now I have time to get more prepared for next week.

All in all, I think we're both feeling better.

There was something else I wanted to say...it escapes me.

What a Day

Maybe it's me, maybe it's the time of year, but I feel like I'm behind. I feel like I'm out of touch with people's expectations of me and falling short. Again and again.

Every year with school, I start out doing really well, trying really hard, and I succeed. Somewhere toward the middle to end of the school year, though, I get into a groove and by the end I am so worn out that I don't care anymore. Maybe it's just my pride, but I don't want to be known as a girl that does well in the beginning but doesn't follow through. Or someone that slacks and coasts. If I do that when I'm teaching, I'll never survive. The kids will never survive. I want to do more than survive. I want to thrive. I want to encourage and stimulate growth, not just prevent death.

Am I doing the same thing spiritually? Getting into a groove and coasting? I should be asking myself that question more often, I think. How am I challenging myself/trusting God more today than I did yesterday? How am I loving people more than I did yesterday?

I'm tired.

Christian's back in the hospital. Pneumonia, high fever, and abdominal pain. I've never been around during pneumonia season, but I've never seen him this sick. He doesn't seem himself. Doesn't even want to keep his eyes open to chat...Lord keep him safe tonight and may your will be done. Ease his pain, Father, it breaks my heart.

Video

Well, that didn't work...this one will, though! :-)

This is from a non-profit called D-PAN (the Deaf Performing Artists Network). The organization makes videos connecting sign to music for the deaf and hard-of-hearing community. Here's their most recent video:



Here's the first one I saw of theirs:





ENJOY!

read-aloud

Here's me reading a story in ASL. It's not the best, but it's something! After looking at it, I know how I can improve (including not second-guessing my spelling abilities...the first 10 seconds have me spelling "the great" and then thinking that I spelling it wrong, so starting over...hahaha)

"In the Water...?"

I may have mentioned this before, but I thought I'd share a story.

Here I am, sitting in my classroom one morning by myself. The teacher that I work with is pregnant (due in September) and went to get another ultrasound the day before. Our aide just had a baby on March 27th or so. There's the context.

I'm working on the computer, getting ready for the day when one of the other aides from the building comes in. Now, I know her pretty well, but don't talk to her very often. It doesn't really matter that it was her, either, this is just an example. She comes in looking for my teacher because she wants to see how the ultrasound went. Since my teacher's not there, she says that she'll check back later.

Before she leaves, though, she says, "You'd better be careful, Jess. It's in the water."

Can pregnancy be, "in the water?" No.

Do I need to be careful? No, because according to the plan God designed in the beginning, sex should be the culminating intimacy between a man and his wife. I'm not married, therefore, not worried.

I just think it's interesting. That's not the first time I've been told to "be careful. It's in the water," either.

In Transition...

I seem to have left the blogging honeymoon stage....

It's really hard to believe that this semester is almost over. I have 4 weeks of my internship left. Three weeks of major lead-teaching. Wow. So far, I have completed my entire general education internship, 2 grad classes, and 3/4 of my special education internship and 2 more grad classes. In just four short weeks, I will have another notch in my belt.

In four short weeks college will be over for me, at least for awhile. It'll be time to apply for jobs, interview, and join the "real world" of the work force. True, it's the teacher work force, but it's still the work force (that just means that I get to hang out with kids most of the day instead of sitting in a cubicle). I need to start thinking about budgeting, insurance, bill paying, retirement, and what all of those acronyms in the profession mean. It's scary, but necessary.

Transitioning again...here we go!

So much different....peace?

My last post, a little over a week ago, was all about being overwhelmed.

I went through a pretty rough week from that post until this past Monday. It was very overwhelming...there were some tears, but there were also nuggets of quiet. Nuggets of rest.

After Monday (after my two big projects were turned in), it felt like there was a weight off my shoulders. I don't know what it is...I'm teaching more. I really love it, though. I think because I busted my butt to get my lesson plans done ahead of time, it was easier to get through this week without going nuts. I also didn't have a lot to do for my classes. That helps. :-)

I'm almost ready for next week, too. :-)
science/social studies
reading
math
shared reading

Everything but writing and the story...

Pretty exciting. :-)

I had my mid-term evaluation today, too...all is well. :-)

Praise God for peace and rest. I'm off for some.

Overwhelmed

This next month is going to be killer. I am struggling with feelings of anxiety and being overwhelmed. I can't seem to keep everything straight in my head that needs to be done and my time management stinks!

I am struggling with a fear of disappointing my CT and myself. I've talked with my CT about it, and she says that she will tell me if there is something that concerns her, and that I'm too hard on myself. I am. I know that. I always have been. But at the same time, I feel these high expectations burdening my heart. Are they expectations I have of myself, or those I am perceiving from her? In the past week I feel as though I have let someone down...whoever has those expectations. I have been disorganized, behind, unplanned, and generally scattered.

It doesn't help that I don't have internet at my house right now. Anything that I need to do on the internet I need to make sure I remember during the approximate 2 hour window that I schedule to go to either Panera or McDonald's. During the week I can use the internet at school, but not for everything.

How do I get more organized? How do I become more productive? How do I help my memory of everything that I need to do before I leave school on Thursdays in order to prepare for the next week? How am I ever going to be able to do this on my own? (I guess by trying to do it on my own, I will inevitably fail, as in every other thing, but I guess I don't know how to rely on God for these things...it's so different than college, than my own education...)

Needless to say, I'm a bit stressed. I'm trying to give it up, but it's hard. I'm trying to manage my time and stay on top of my assignments, but it's hard. I'm trying to give myself grace, but it's hard. This semester is so much better than last.

Randoms

Submission: one of two equals choosing to humble him/herself under the authority of the other person (placed by God) in order to bring glory to God. - my paraphrase of the sermon at the church I went to tonight.

Interesting thoughts.

On a completely different note, it's been a very long time since I've posted, although no one really reads anyway, this is more for me...

I've been slacking on writing in general recently. I used to journal a lot...that was normally in place of prayer/writing down my prayers. Now I've started praying more out loud. I don't really care if I look like an idiot talking to myself in my car on the way to/from work...I normally look like an idiot singing along with the radio anyway. ;-)

That cultivating stillness week was pretty awesome...I need to do that again. Cut myself off from the things that facilitate wasting time...

Another one of my friends got engaged. :-)

I love my new placement. I'm realizing that I can do this for a career. I'm finally in the field that I chose (well, the one that God chose for me), and I'm truly loving it. It's still a lot of work, but it's paying off. I'm learning a lot this semester already!

That's all. Forgive me for the lack of depth. :-P

Cultivating Stillness

"Be still and know that I am God" -Psalm 46:10a

This has always been a difficult verse for me. In context the whole Psalm is about how big God is and verse 10 says that we can be still and know that He is God; He will be exalted.

I know God is big. I mean, there are plenty of other psalms that talk about how God opened his mouth and stars came out (Ps. 33), and other huge things, or in Isaiah when God says His hands stretched out the heavens (Is. 45).

If I know God is big, why can't I be still?

I get easily distracted.

I get easily distracted...

Music.

TV.

Food.

People.

Facebook.

what? Did I say facebook?

The busyness of life distracts me from being still and knowing that He is God. You know one thing you can't do when you're being still and knowing that He is God? You can't think that you are god... You can't be in control.

This next week (and hopefully it will continue) is my experiment in cultivating stillness. Certain distractions have been and will be removed for this week. Others limited. I want to be still.

I want to crave this stillness.