Monday, February 18, 2008


This next month is going to be killer. I am struggling with feelings of anxiety and being overwhelmed. I can't seem to keep everything straight in my head that needs to be done and my time management stinks!

I am struggling with a fear of disappointing my CT and myself. I've talked with my CT about it, and she says that she will tell me if there is something that concerns her, and that I'm too hard on myself. I am. I know that. I always have been. But at the same time, I feel these high expectations burdening my heart. Are they expectations I have of myself, or those I am perceiving from her? In the past week I feel as though I have let someone down...whoever has those expectations. I have been disorganized, behind, unplanned, and generally scattered.

It doesn't help that I don't have internet at my house right now. Anything that I need to do on the internet I need to make sure I remember during the approximate 2 hour window that I schedule to go to either Panera or McDonald's. During the week I can use the internet at school, but not for everything.

How do I get more organized? How do I become more productive? How do I help my memory of everything that I need to do before I leave school on Thursdays in order to prepare for the next week? How am I ever going to be able to do this on my own? (I guess by trying to do it on my own, I will inevitably fail, as in every other thing, but I guess I don't know how to rely on God for these's so different than college, than my own education...)

Needless to say, I'm a bit stressed. I'm trying to give it up, but it's hard. I'm trying to manage my time and stay on top of my assignments, but it's hard. I'm trying to give myself grace, but it's hard. This semester is so much better than last.

1 comment:

lensing87 said...

Isn't god funny, I chose today to randomly view your blog and being overwhelmed is exactly what I'm struggling with. I think this cold weather realy gets me down and its hard to stay motivated to get things done. You are to hard on yourself!!! But, know that that is who you are and God will help you in HIS TIME. We just need to weather the storms and know that there is rest coming. I love the verse "come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest". Alow yourself to feel overwhelmed. You're not the only one. Many people appear to have it all together but in reality behind the "Fine" smile they are struggling with the same issues. It's easy to say but I know its not as easy to do. Love ya and miss ya! see you at easter.