Monday, May 11, 2009

emotional

I'm not very good at blogging...

Feeling pretty emotional today. Had a meeting with a pastor from my church about new membership stuff and I couldn't help myself from feeling inadequate. I know that alone I am, but I also know that in Christ I am not. So why the nagging feeling that I'm not good enough at anything?

I first believed in Christ as a personal savior when I was 16. I knew of him before that and I knew the basic idea of redemption, but I didn't understand it on a personal level. In college, I started following Christ. Looking toward the Bible and seeking God in decision making, trying to live a life of gratitude and service to him. God really moved in my life during college. He taught me many things about myself and others, and I saw him at work in my life and in the lives of the people around me. I fear I have become stagnant in the past year and a half, immune to what God is doing around me and hardened to watching him work in the lives of others.

The pastor asked me today if I had ever been water baptized. I was, as a baby, but not since I became a Christian. Part of me has always wanted my parents to be there for it, or for them to understand why I am doing it. I don't think that they would, nor do I think they could be there. It's not practical now that I live halfway across the country.

My heart is just sad today. And I don't really know why. Maybe it's because I am realizing just how little faith I have, and maybe part of it is because I don't really know how to change. I guess I'll be praying for some wisdom and guidance, and for the forgiveness of my unbelief.

God is who he says he is
God can do what he says he can do
I am who God says I am
I can do all things through Christ
...
what was the last one?
-beth moore "believing God" (ironically that series was what led me to start this blog...)

4 comments:

se├▒oritalisa said...

Probably the one you're most missing out on...

God's word is alive and active in me

lensing87 said...

Hey Jess, I'm doing the moore study this summer... You've been through a lot of changes in a short year, sometimes God sits quietly waiting for us to get our priorites straight again. He's there and you will feel his direction again. alow yourself that sad time, sometimes that when we hear God the best. love and miss you.

lensing87 said...

Are you still wearing your blue cord? I just got mine.

jbrtva said...

I just now saw these comments, ladies. Thank you for reading and responding.

Lisa, thank you for remembering and reminding me. ("Satan, get out of my face!")

Sherri, I hope you have LOVED the study, I don't have my blue cord any more, but I might find a new one...and re-read the workbook...