Randoms

Submission: one of two equals choosing to humble him/herself under the authority of the other person (placed by God) in order to bring glory to God. - my paraphrase of the sermon at the church I went to tonight.

Interesting thoughts.

On a completely different note, it's been a very long time since I've posted, although no one really reads anyway, this is more for me...

I've been slacking on writing in general recently. I used to journal a lot...that was normally in place of prayer/writing down my prayers. Now I've started praying more out loud. I don't really care if I look like an idiot talking to myself in my car on the way to/from work...I normally look like an idiot singing along with the radio anyway. ;-)

That cultivating stillness week was pretty awesome...I need to do that again. Cut myself off from the things that facilitate wasting time...

Another one of my friends got engaged. :-)

I love my new placement. I'm realizing that I can do this for a career. I'm finally in the field that I chose (well, the one that God chose for me), and I'm truly loving it. It's still a lot of work, but it's paying off. I'm learning a lot this semester already!

That's all. Forgive me for the lack of depth. :-P

"update"

Some of my friends from summer project asked me for an update, and how I was doing. This is what I came up with. After reading it through again, I realized that it is a pretty good update on how this semester has been for me, and what I have learned. I thought I would share it here, too. (does anyone even read this? lol...I guess if nothing else, it'll be for me to look back on down the line.)

Here is a summary of my first semester of student teaching:
"Time sure has flown.

This semester has been really hard. There are so many days that I don't even realize how hard it is because I'm getting used to it. I don't really like that feeling, though.

Being away from college, the atmosphere, the community, the fellowship of believers that have the same foundation as I do, even the ability to only be taking 12 credits of classes...that's been hard.

Student teaching has been hard, too, because I'm in a general education class (and I don't want to teach general education!) Next semester I'll be in a deaf education classroom, which excites me. :-) My students are really tough, a lot of issues. They are pretty typical of the inner city (not to put anyone in a box, but that gives you some idea of what my students face - minimal parent involvement, broken homes, unemployment, no real push for school work, etc).

I miss friends. I miss Crusade and the depth of study and relationship I learned there.

I've learned a lot. I've learned how to let God into my day as a teacher, how to make more decisions than I can count about things I never thought I would need to decide for another human being (i.e. whether or not they can "hold it" or if they need to "use it" right now). I'm learning how to pray. I'm pretty bad at it, but I'm learning that it's CRUCIAL for me to get through the day. I'm learning how to teach (I suppose...), and how to learn. I'm also learning how hard it is to balance work and school and any type of social life. "

Truth

"Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west
'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
'cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other

...

I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night
I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals
I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me
You're holding on to me"
-Casting Crowns "East to West"

I was driving into work today with the radio on, but not really listening because I was too busy praying. You see, yesterday was probably the worst day we have had all year as far as student behavior is concerned. Seven, yes, seven of the boys in our class got in so much trouble during music and gym class that they were standing along the gym wall and had to talk to the principal before they came back to class. I was driving to school, praying for those seven boys, but also for the other students in my class. There are so many that don't have peace in their lives. So many that have little to no self-confidence or self-esteem, and so many that have no stability or structure. I was sitting and praying (and driving) when this song came on and I couldn't continue because I was so engrossed in the song. It fit so well with what I was praying about, also confessing some of my sin...and praying about how I can be more just and fair but loving about all in the classroom discipline. Here comes this song and I tear up.

Jesus, will you show me just how far the east is from the west? That's where your word (psalms, I believe) tells me you separated me from my sin.

From one scarred hand to the other... I got a mental image when I listened to this and thinking about it now conjures the same image. Now I don't know much about the actual geography/topography of the Bible, but I want to learn. I don't know if anyone knows this. The picture in my head, though, is Jesus hanging on the cross, facing North (or south). Therefore, his hands are pointing east and west, respectively. Those wounds are the payment for my sin. That is where it is placed, on Him. Not on me. Jesus knows how far apart those wounds are, but he also knows that they are finished, and they are on Him.

I also really liked the line about His peace getting me through this night....I feel so often that this year is a very long night. I'm having some dark spiritual times because I'm struggling with finding a "home" community here. I'm also in the middle of so many other transitions that it is simply nuts. I need the peace. Fill me.


p.s. Today (even though it was Halloween) was the best day we have ever had, especially with behaviors. :-D Praise God for answered prayers!