Personality

To update: I nixed the sewing project, it just wasn't happening. Grades are grades, whatever.

I went to MSD to observe yesterday. SO FUN! I'm excited. :-)

Thanks to Noel I took this random personality test and test of multiple intelligences. I wasn't surprised:

"ISTJs are often called inspectors. They have a keen sense of right and wrong, especially in their area of interest and/or responsibility. They are noted for devotion to duty. Punctuality is a watchword of the ISTJ. The secretary, clerk, or business(wo)man by whom others set their clocks is likely to be an ISTJ." - ISTJ Profile (TypeLogic) "ISTJs are very loyal, faithful, and dependable. They place great importance on honesty and integrity. They are "good citizens" who can be depended on to do the right thing for their families and communities. While they generally take things very seriously, they also usually have an offbeat sense of humor and can be a lot of fun - especially at family or work-related gatherings." - Portrait of an ISTJ (The Personality Page) "...characterized by decisiveness in practical affairs, are the guardians of institutions, and if only one adjective could be selected, "super dependable" would best describe them." - The Portrait of the Inspector Guardian (Keirsey)

"...private, does not appreciate strangeness, not adventurous, not spontaneous, follows the rules..." - Jung Type Descriptions (ISTJ) (similarminds.com) "At work, ISTJs get things done on a timely basis. They honor deadlines, and they believe in thoroughness. A half-finished joy is not a job well done. They established procedures and schedules, and are uncomfortable with those who do not do the same. ISTJs put duty before pleasure. As long as they can fulfil their responsibilities, they feel useful and thereby satisfied. Their work does not have to be fun, but it has to count toward something productive. ISTJs believe that vacations are something that one takes only when work has been accomplished; thus, at times they do not take vacations even when they could and should." - ISTJ - The Reliant (Lifexplore)

It also has a list of real ISTJ's...a lot of presidents and (doubting) Thomas. Hmmm... Oh! And Eeyore. ;-)

Arg

I'm making a present for my step-sister, Becky for Christmas. It's going to be really cool, when it is finished. Right now, though, I am major-ly frustrated. This present requires sewing, and working with fabric that is quite delicate. It requires ironing, and applique-ing. Gross. Why did I decide to do this, you may ask? Because it's going to be very cool when it is finished, and I think she will like it a lot. Right now I'm just having problems with the fabric fraying, the bobbin on the sewing machine not working, and my inconsistencies with a zig-zag stitch are driving me nuts!

Another thing that makes me say, "Arg" right now is my grade for one of my MSU classes. I just found out that I have a 3.5. Some might say, "3.5 in a master's class, great job, Jess!" Not me. I'm frustrated because, even though I didn't put as much work into the end of the class as I did in the beginning, and even though my last assignment wasn't as good as it should have been, I have consistently been one of the first to attempt anything in that class, and one of the few that consistently puts in effort. I'm frustrated because I get a graded paper back that has no negative comments on it, and the score is, "95% - A". Especially when according to the grading scale, 95% is just barely a 4.0. On that grading scale, I don't know that anyone in the class got a 4.0. And I think there are at least 3-4 out of the 15 that deserve it. I guess I should have done better on the last project, which was worth 30% of my grade (I got a B - 85% which is just barely a 3.0). Even on the final grade sheet, the comments read something like this, "Jessica, although your work on the last project was not as strong as the others, I have been consistently impressed by your confidence and abilities. You have the potential of becoming an excellent teacher of the deaf. I look forward to when you are truly my 'colleague' and not just my 'student'." And I got a A-/B+. Whatever.

I guess the bigger question is, "why are you so upset about this?"
Do I really deserve anything?
Did I really earn anything?
Should I be thankful for what I have?
Is there anything I can do to change it? If not, then why worry?

Just my thoughts.

"Fall"

So I was driving home after a hard day yesterday and changed the radio to a station playing this song. Sounded like God singing right to my heart. I want to fall to Him, nowhere else. It's so easy to seek affirmation from other people and expect them to catch me. God's the one who wants to. I should maybe let him.

Hold up there you go again
Puttin on that smile again
Even though I know you've had a bad day
Doin this and doin that
Always puttin' yourself last
A whole lotta give and not enough take

But you can only be strong so long before you break

So fall, go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
Ill catch you every time you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt every fear every worry every tear
I'm right here
Baby fall

Forget about the world tonight
All that's wrong and all that's right
Lay your head on my shoulder let it fade away

And if you wanna let go baby its okay
Fall go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
Ill catch you every time you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear, every worry, every tear
I'm right here
Baby fall

Hold on hold on hold on to me...

Fall go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
Ill catch you every time you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear, every worry, every tear
I'm right here
Baby fall
"Fall" by Clay Walker

"update"

Some of my friends from summer project asked me for an update, and how I was doing. This is what I came up with. After reading it through again, I realized that it is a pretty good update on how this semester has been for me, and what I have learned. I thought I would share it here, too. (does anyone even read this? lol...I guess if nothing else, it'll be for me to look back on down the line.)

Here is a summary of my first semester of student teaching:
"Time sure has flown.

This semester has been really hard. There are so many days that I don't even realize how hard it is because I'm getting used to it. I don't really like that feeling, though.

Being away from college, the atmosphere, the community, the fellowship of believers that have the same foundation as I do, even the ability to only be taking 12 credits of classes...that's been hard.

Student teaching has been hard, too, because I'm in a general education class (and I don't want to teach general education!) Next semester I'll be in a deaf education classroom, which excites me. :-) My students are really tough, a lot of issues. They are pretty typical of the inner city (not to put anyone in a box, but that gives you some idea of what my students face - minimal parent involvement, broken homes, unemployment, no real push for school work, etc).

I miss friends. I miss Crusade and the depth of study and relationship I learned there.

I've learned a lot. I've learned how to let God into my day as a teacher, how to make more decisions than I can count about things I never thought I would need to decide for another human being (i.e. whether or not they can "hold it" or if they need to "use it" right now). I'm learning how to pray. I'm pretty bad at it, but I'm learning that it's CRUCIAL for me to get through the day. I'm learning how to teach (I suppose...), and how to learn. I'm also learning how hard it is to balance work and school and any type of social life. "

Randoms

1. I'm jealous that University of Illinois is playing in the Rose Bowl, and that I have friends in the band that are going. (At the same time, though, they have to march the 5 1/2 mile parade route in wool uniforms in sunny California...not so nice). MSU's going to Orlando, too. Times like this make me wish i was still in the band: 4 day paid trip to Orlando! Yay! Go State, Beat the Eagles (Boston College).

2. I got paid today! (from substituting the last time.)

3. I'm subbing 2 days in a row....Monday and Tuesday, and this time I'm planning for them (mostly) myself. *crosses her fingers* *prays* I'm going to try some more hands-on activities and centers to allow the students to work at their own pace since I'm pretty terrible at pacing and all of the (boring) worksheets that they normally do. They just get frustrated with me and with the work and I end up sending kids out of the room or making them cry...neither is a good thing.

4. Only 8 more days at my current school until I'm finished. I am so ready for my next placement in a deaf education setting!

5. Today was the last day of my MSU classes for this semester! Next semester will be quite different, hopefully in a good way...

6. We're throwing my cousin a surprise birthday party this weekend...busyness.

7. My room is trashed.

8. I miss my friends. I don't really have any here. The people I work with are the people I work with. I see them at work and don't really "hang out" with them. The people in my program are either student teaching in different places than me so I only see them on Fridays, or they are at the same school as me, but live in different cities and have busy lives and don't really hang out either. I don't know anyone from church yet. I don't know anyone in this town. I miss my friends.

9. I'm pretty terrible at keeping in touch through phone calls. I'm working on sending out Christmas cards. Hopefully they will be done by the end of this weekend, too. I think I'm over 1/2way done! :-)

10. I feel as though there were more things that I wanted to write, but I guess I'm already on 10, so it might be a good time to stop.